Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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