Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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