Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
