he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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