The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
