we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
