fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
