just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
