My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
