i will never coherently bang her
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
