Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
