This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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