so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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