Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
