New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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