you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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