I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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