That's when you crack a 10am beer
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
