I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
