woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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