Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
