either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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