If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
