Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
