Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
