I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
