My nipple is on Facebook.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
