I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
