Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
