She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
