i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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