She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
