ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
