you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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