She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
