Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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