Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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