I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
