It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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