the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
