Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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