I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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