sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
