You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She's the barista slut.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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