I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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