fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
