dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
