Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
