It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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