ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
