oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
