He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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