Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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