I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
