just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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