haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
