I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
