I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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