You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
