everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
