I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
