I am full of burrito and curiosity
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
