I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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