every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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