i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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