I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
