Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
