watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
