Got a toothbrush?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
