As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
