Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
