the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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