well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
