shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
