I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize