i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
