Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
