Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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