bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you still have your period?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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