Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
