Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you made out with another girl for some wings
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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