k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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