peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
