So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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