This is not my ceiling
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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